In business and in everyday life it is paramount that we keep our emotions in check. This is a simple statement; however, it is not always easy to control them. How do we manage it in the heat of the moment? How do we manage the emotional reactions of others? Answering both these questions is key to handling difficult and delicate situations.
It is morning like all others; I start my day by reading my emails and saying good morning to my colleagues. I then come across a message from my client asking me for an update on a recent transaction. This is very standard and I ask my logistics team to update me on the situation:
- Me: John when is the merchandise arriving to my customer in Chicago?
- John: Do you have a reference number?
- Me: Sure. It is 5578A.
- John: Ok let me look it up. Hmmm… The system says that it is on its way to their location in New York… Are you sure that it was intended to be shipped to their Chicago location?
- Me: How is this possible? I clearly stated that it should be delivered to Chicago!
At this point in time, I can feel my blood boil. This is a costly mistake, as I will need to redirect the merchandise to the correct location. However, I cannot let my anger take over, as I need to stay focused in order to resolve this issue. Why should I take out my frustration on my colleague? It may not be his mistake, as it may have been incorrectly entered by someone else. It will achieve nothing and it will just irritate him. So I need to take a small break, in order to calm myself down. I strongly believe that it is better to understand how this mistake happened, in order to prevent it. Moreover, if I lose my composure I will only add more stress to my colleague, as we both know that we are damage control mode.
On the other hand, we have all been confronted with an angry individual. How do we calm him/her down? What if that person attacks us and starts making accusations? Truth be told, there is no easy answer. Sometimes, I would honestly have to say that I might lose my cool. However, this will only escalate things and we may say things that we will regret. Now I am not advocating that we should not defend ourselves, if we are being incorrectly accused. That said, I believe that it is best that we stay calm and collected in these circumstances. We can reason with the other person and try to find a way to resolve the issue at hand. This is especially important when we are in fact guilty. We may have made a grave mistake and the other person is within their right to be angry at us. In addition, it is important not to “point fingers”, as it will worsen the situation even further. Regardless of the nature of the conflict, it is much better for both parties to focus on the solution and so much on the problem.
Conflict is a common occurrence in our lives. How we resolve it says a lot about us. It is much better to reason with a person who has lost control of their emotions and empathize with their situation, in order to resolve the issue at hand. Even if we feel a strong urge to surrender to our emotions, we gain a lot more by keeping our composure. The best response to any stressful situation is to take a step back, as this will minimize any further problems.
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